POETS Day! Charles Mackay of Extraordinary Popular Delusions Fame

Illustration by Rene Sears

[This entry is cross posted at ordinary-times.com]

My kid can type. I don’t mean he just knows how. He dropped into a conversation about something else that he started fiddling with a typing tutor website and “plays” the exercises between games or watching videos when he’s messing around on the computer. He’s been at it for three years. We think we keep an eye on what he does online but this was the first my wife or I heard about it, so we tested him on a random type training site, one he wasn’t familiar with.

He’s over one hundred words a minute at 99% accuracy. He’s thirteen. We’re a little terrified that he was able to spend as much time as he obviously has online without our knowing what he was up to, but damn. He won’t need a POETS Day plan. If he sticks to white collar employment, he’ll blaze throught as much by noon as his co-workers manage all day.

As for the rest of you, come up with something. Pretend a cough, remember a religious observance, whatever you have to do to get out of work and live it up on a Friday afternoon. Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s Saturday.

First, here’s a bit of verse.

***

One of the reasons I subscribe to The Free Press is for access to dueling articles on a subject. Here’s a guy who thinks war is bad. Here’s a guy who thinks war is good. And they’ll cross link if the two come out a few days apart.

I read the comments on both. Their paired articles seem less plagued by comment section trolls than the standard stuff, not that those are particularly afflicted when compared to the internet as a whole. I don’t think think I’ve ever been radically swayed by one of the exchanges—article or comment—but I get a few questions answered and pick up a few new questions in the process and emerge just as annoyingly opinionated but with a new array of plugged-in patina building bits of info to pester friends and family with. More than worth the $10 a month subscription price.

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POETS Day! Emily Brontë

Illustration by Rene Sears

[This entry is cross posted at ordinary-times.com]

I have an uncle who is never bored. He’s always up to or up for something. One of the collateral benefits of restlessness is that he banks interesting places and activities he discovers wandering around. There’s rarely a “What do you want to do?” because he’s got a backlog of interesting half-explored outings nipping at his synapses.

He found a used book store in Fredrick, Maryland he says has more than its share of signed books. I bought signed copies of William F. Buckley’s The Unmaking of a Mayor and Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits (“Happy Birthday Frieda! Here’s a Useless Book!”) My uncle’s pretty sure there’s a bored or impish clerk with a sharpie, but I choose to believe otherwise.

Another time we went to NRA headquarters, but only partially to shoot. The night before, he told me about the strict protocols and double gun safe lock check ID frisk metal detector side eye you get when going in because they know more than any mass attrocity, an incident at the NRA home base would be the PR nightmare. We sat in the parking deck after we were done, guns locked and trunked, and riffed that despite all the guns in proximity, this place is a mugger’s dream of unarmed targets wandering around in the dark.

He’s always coming up with stupid, giggly fun like that.

Happy POETS Day! Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s Saturday. There’s something off or silly in your town waiting to be found. Take a few hours away from work and make fun. Go do that.

First, verse.

***

I was of the assumption that all women read Emily Brontë as girls. The soon-to-be menfolk would retire to the parlour mad they aren’t yet old enough for brandy and cigars and read Treasure Island, Mark Twain, and Ivanhoe while the women retired to have pillow fights and to read Jane Austen and a Brontë or three wherever they went when the men were in the parlour. I never had cause to question.

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POETS Day! William Makepeace Thackeray

Illustration by Rene Sears

[This entry is cross posted at ordinary-times.com]

I was chatting with a guy from New Jersey yesterday. It was cold and glum in Alabama. He was making fun of me for acting as if temperatures in the thirties were Armageddon-ish and I shook my head and mumbled something like “…wouldn’t last a second around here in August… humidity.”

He showed me an amazing foul weather trick so epoch shaking I might deign to call it a life-hack. “If you are ever bothered by the weather,” he said, “take out your phone, pull up your weather app, and bring up Iowa City, Iowa.” He demonstrated. It was 9° with a blue subscript that read “feels like 7°.”

According to Wikipedia, there are 171,000 people living in the greater Iowa City Metropolitan Area. I don’t know how that’s possible. It’s POETS Day. Look outside. Now look at your phone weather app, type in Iowa City, Iowa, and look outside again. There are 341,000,000 people in this country, and in comparison, no matter what it looked like out that window, 340,829,000 of you just realized what a beautiful day you’ve been blessed with.

It’s Friday afternoon. Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s Saturday. Have at it.

First, a little verse.

***

I usually come across one or two odd and interesting facts when looking into the lives of poets for these posts, and want as I might, I can’t shoehorn or wrestle them into sense with even the loosest narrative, and I can get pretty loose. I found two this week while reading up on the life of William Makepeace Thackeray and I like them too much to discard. I don’t know if it’s still an aside when you haven’t begun anything to momentarily distract from, but a couple of quick asides if you… whether you mind or not, I guess.

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POETS Day! More Seamus Heaney and Thoughts on Touching Stuff

Seamus Heaney

[This entry is cross posted at ordinary-times.com]

Last week’s POETS Day was about Seamus Heaney, and I seemed to have found myself in a moment, albeit a miniscule one. Douglas Murray featured Heaney in his regular Sunday column, “Things Worth Remembering,” over at The Free Press and then the latest issue of The New Criterion arrived with a review by Paul Dean of both The Letter’s of Seamus Heaney and The Translations of Seamus Heaney. I got swept up in it all and the books I borrowed aren’t due back until the day before Valentine’s, so l’m going to keep it going.

I’m pulled by the urge to say “Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s…” and then substitute something about the Super Bowl for the usual “Saturday,” but I’d have to include “Bowl.” It’s not POETSB Day. I can’t write “Super bowl” to de-emphasize half of what is a well-known proper title, and even if I did, it looks stupid. I’ll keep it “Saturday” and assume you know the drill. I’ll stay away from Taylor Swift cracks too.

***

My wife and I, weather permitting, try to walk every day along the creek that runs near our house. Today I was telling her about Heaney, what I’d read that afternoon. He left a sizable collection of literary papers and works to Emory University. They have his along with collections from other Irish poets: Yeats, Paul Muldoon, Michael Longley, and others. That’s about a two-hour drive from Birmingham and I was thinking maybe we’d take a day trip. And then I thought, “Why?”

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